Monday, June 23, 2014

Life's A Dance You Learn As You Go...

My evening has been full of clich├ęs today. And one song keeps running through my mind.

Life's a dance you learn as you go
Sometimes you lead sometimes you follow
Don't worry about what you don't know
Life's a dance you learn as you go

And to be honest, I'm still dancing so I'm still learning. ^_^

Love is not a feeling. Love is a choice. So many people say, "I can't help who I love." I can't imagine not being happy with deciding to love someone. Love doesn't hurt. Love isn't confusing. Love isn't stressful. Love is beautiful and wonderful and hard and worth every drop of blood, sweat and tears.

For so long I believed my love was predestined. That someone was already picked out for me and all I had to do was wait for our eyes to open to each other and bam! We'd be together. Sounds simple and so idealistic. I even thought I knew who God chose for me and all I was doing was waiting for the right time for Him to say, "It's time. You may now love each other." how awkward is that? Especially if he doesn't get the same feeling from God that I do. I could be waiting forever! I actually have waited until he up and married someone else. Then I realized the fallacy of my thinking. Did it change though? No. I simply set my sights on someone else and waited.

Well, I'm not waiting anymore.

I have figured out that because love is a CHOICE that whomever I DECIDE to love will be the one destined for me. That whomever I decide to share my life with, who's life is shared with me, who loves me as much or more than I love him is the one I'm meant to be with.

Now, he may not fit what I thought to be the perfect image for me, but perfection is overrated. Does he love me? Yes. Does he love the Lord? Yes. Is he a hard worker willing to do what it takes to take care of his family? Yes. Does me make me want to be a better person? Every day. Do we want to do everything we can to make the other happy? Yes.

Life is not decided for us. Life is the choices we make and if we decide to rest on our morals and wait for the fairy godmother to appear with the perfect spouse, we're going to wait for a very long time. If we make the conscious decision to love someone whole heartedly and be with that person for better or for worse, in sickness and in health, rich or for poor...then who's to say it isn't right?
I think I got this mindset that "Well, if God wanted different he'd change it." Not necessarily so. God also gave us brains and a heart as well as the guidance of the Holy Spirit. He gave us the chance to make our own choices and allow Him to bless us.

Did God chose for me to be a single parent all of these years? No. But He did chose to bless me with two amazing men who love Him with every fiber of their beings. He did bless us with a roof over our heads, food on the table and clothes on our backs and when I couldn't provide for that He sent others to meet that need. Will God chose my husband? Probably not but He knows the choices I will make and knows that my heart is to serve Him and with my choice of husband it will be done.

There's a fine line between choice and defiance and I know I'm walking very close to it, but I'm trying not to; I don't want to deceive anyone by saying, 'well as long as you're happy God will bless you' because that's not true. But sometimes we have to step outside of our comfort zones and pursue life as we pursue Him.

I don't plan on being reckless with my life and rush around trying to find a husband. I also don't plan on sitting back passively waiting for someone to walk up to me and say, "God said I should marry you". I plan on living life to it's fullest and let God work His wonders. Who knows? I may surprise us all by picking someone totally unexpected until you see us together and then you say, "Wow. They truly are an amazing match!"

Life is a dance you learn as you go and I just learned to chose love instead of destiny.